


Unbreakable

by Iwontgiveup09



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 12:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8801236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwontgiveup09/pseuds/Iwontgiveup09
Summary: "Erik..."
Erik tried to block out the pleading sound of Jonas' voice. He couldn't turn around. He knew he was trying to say goodbye, but he couldn't face it. He literally couldn't face him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is only my second Durmann one shot and you can probably tell I didn't write anything for ages, but I've wanted to write a one shot about this for ages, well almost a year really, so here it finally is and if there's any Durmann lovers still out there, I hope you enjoyed it a little :)

"Erik..."

Erik tried to block out the pleading sound of Jonas' voice. He couldn't turn around. He knew he was trying to say goodbye, but he couldn't face it. He literally couldn't face him. The last few days seemed like one big nightmare. He had been in high spirits before Christmas, because he was finally able to return to full team training in December and he could not wait to stand on the pitch with Jonas again. Their connection had always been special and he was devastated when Jonas went out on loan to Mainz for a year and then suffered two knee injuries. 

Now he had been the one with the knee injury, but things were finally falling back in place for them. He had missed their easy banter during training sessions. He had travelled with the team to the last match in Cologne before Christmas. Part of him was dreading to go back there, because the last time Dortmund had played there he got hurt before the match and Jonas suffered his first knee injury for Mainz. 

However, this time he was happy when Jonas started the match and had a good game, he didn't understand why he was substituted so early, but seeeing Jonas finally start again gave him a good feeling. He had just made his way into the mixed zone to congratulate Jonas, despite BVB losing the game, when he saw him giving interviews. He stood in the back, but still close enough to hear Jonas say "As it stands now..." 

He didn't hear the rest, he was in this business long enough to know the meaning of those words. Jonas noticed him right after that sentence. Their eyes only met for a few seconds, but Erik could see a hint of guilt, concern... Jonas had never talked about leaving BVB in January. To be fair, he had never asked if it was a possibility, but Jonas usually told him everything. Surely he would have told him first?! Just like in this very moment now, Erik couldn't face the truth. He turned around and never looked back. 

Jonas and him shared an apartment in Dortmund, they were close friends from the start. It took a long time until Erik realised that what he felt for Jonas was more than just friendship. He often wondered if Jonas might feel the same, but he never dared to talk about his feelings. Their friendship was too precious. When Erik arrived home after the Cologne game, a long time before Jonas and the rest of the team, because he had travelled there in his own car, he quickly packed a few things and left to go home for Christmas. It was supposed to be the team Christmas dinner after the match, but he just couldn't go. He wrote Jonas a quick note and left. 

Jonas tried to call his phone several times that night and the days after. They didn't even speak over the Christmas period, but Erik had the unreasonable hope that if he wasn't talking to Jonas, it wouldn't happen. Of course he still followed the news and he had seen all the gossip about Jonas being close to joining Gladbach. The deal was even already announced before New Years Eve. Jonas had left countless messages on his voice box, but he didn't want to hear any of them. He was gone, for good and he had made the decision without him. 

"Erik, please, do you really want me to leave like this?" 

Jonas' voice brought Erik back to the here and now. This was it. Jonas was moving out. He wanted to try to avoid seeing him again before he did, but the training was starting again the day after. Training without Jonas. 

"Just go please.." Erik whispered, still refusing to turn around. 

He could sense Jonas walking up closer to him. Jonas put his hand on Erik's shoulder and Erik had to fight hard to blink back the tears. He was surprised he still had any left. 

"Can't you even look at me? I really want to explain..." Jonas tried again. 

Erik turned around swiftly and shook off Jonas' hand. 

"You don't have to explain anything to me. You made your decision, good luck..." 

Erik tried to sound rough but Jonas didn't miss how his voice nearly broke and how despite trying not to, Erik's eyes shone bright with unshed tears. It was killing him how hurt Erik looked. Hurting Erik was the last thing he wanted to do. That's why he never talked to him about leaving. He knew how much it would hurt him and he only wanted to tell him when he was 100 % sure about his decision. 

When he caught his eyes in Cologne he realised that he knew. He wanted to go after him right there and then, but he had to finish his interviews. When he looked for Erik afterwards he was gone. He was devastated when he realised that he wasn't at home, either. There was so much he wanted to say. They had originally planned to spend New Year's Eve together. And Jonas finally wanted to tell Erik how he really felt about him. And how his decision to leave Dortmund had nothing whatsoever to do with their friendship. New Years Eve was long over and all his attempts to talk to Erik failed. Like this one. He made another step towards Erik, but Erik almost instantly moved away. 

"Seriously Jonas, if you ever cared about me at all... please just leave..." 

The first tears Erik tried so hard to hold back made their way down his cheeks. Jonas stared at him for what felt like an eternity, it was too much to see Erik in pain like that. And he was the one who caused it and now he couldn't even comfort him. He could feel his own tears running down his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry, Erik..." Jonas whispered and turned around to leave. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to hold Erik in his arms, but he knew he couldn't. Maybe not ever. 

 

3 weeks later 

 

Erik sat in the BVB teambus on the way to Mönchengladbach with mixed feelings. On the one hand he was really relieved to finally be included in a competitive match squad again, but on the other hand he was not ready to face Jonas again. Least of all ready to maybe play against him. 

He went out onto the pitch with the others before the warm-up as he always did. He kept looking back towards the player tunnel to see if Jonas would do the same, but he didn't see him or any other Gladbach players. He wasn't sure if he felt disappointed or relieved. He didn't want his concentration to suffer during the warm-up so he avoided looking for Jonas while he was warming up and kept his eyes on his own teammates. 

Jonas did the same during his warm-up, but he knew he could not potentially play in this game without seeing Erik first. 

15 minutes later Jonas started to make his way out of the tunnel with the other Gladbach subs. He saw Erik right away, It was always like that wherever Erik was, it was like he was drawn to him. He slowly walked down the tunnel and stopped right behind Erik taking a deep breath...

Erik knew. He could feel Jonas' presence. He didn't need to turn around for confirmation. And he couldn't even if he wanted to, it was as if he was frozen to the spot. Out of the corner of his eye Erik saw Jonas now standing next to him. They both turned their heads at the same time and their eyes met.

The moment felt like hours rather than seconds. Jonas moved closer to Erik and despite how their last meeting ended and how hurt Erik still was he automatically joined Jonas half way and wrapped his arms around him. When he felt Jonas melting into him like he used to when they hugged he pulled him even closer. For a few blissful seconds it was just them and it felt like noone around them existed. 

"Erik...," Jonas breathed when he slowly moved out of the hug. There was so much he wanted to say, but he knew now wasn't the time. He smiled apologetically at Erik and reluctantly walked towards the bench. 

Erik couldn't really say what had happened during the first half of the match, everything went by in a blur and all he could think of was how it felt to hold Jonas, even if only for a few seconds. At half-time they nearly warmed up next to eachother and Erik had to stop himself from looking over at Jonas. 

"I thought that I've been hurt before,  
but noone's ever left me quite this sore..." 

The first lines of Shawn Mendes's "Stitches" started to play in the stadium. Erik couldn't help but think about Jonas, even though the song was about a couple who broke up, he had never felt so much in pain as in the last weeks without Jonas. And even now he was still in denial about him never coming back. 

"Erik, will you focus?" BVB's fitness coach yelled at him when he completely misplaced another pass in warm-up. Erik felt everyone's eyes on him, even the Gladbach players stopped their warm-up briefly to look over at him. Once again all he could see was Jonas' concerned look and him trying to give Erik a reassuring smile. He quickly looked away and tried to concentrate on the rest of the exercises. 

Miraculously - at least after the desastrous warm-up in half-time - Erik came on pretty early in the second half. Jonas came on 10 minutes before the end and had a great chance to score nearly right away. Erik saw the disappointment on his face when he missed. Jonas played on the other side of him, so they didn't have to play against eachother directly what Erik was very glad about. 

When the referee blew the final whistle Erik watched Jonas hug a few of his former teammates and eventually came over to him. They hugged again and this time Jonas kept his arm around his shoulder. 

"Sorry you didn't score", Erik whispered and Jonas laughed. 

"Don't let anyone hear you say that," he joked. 

Erik's smile faded a bit with the realisation that they were not on the same team anymore. Jonas noticed his mood switch right away. 

"Erik, can we talk? Please?" Jonas gave Erik a pleading look. 

"There's nothing to say..." Erik replied, keeping his eyes fixed to the ground. 

Jonas used his free hand to gently lift Erik's chin up so he could look at him.

"You know that's not true... I miss you," Jonas said sadly. 

Erik moved out of the embrace and pushed Jonas' hand away. 

"You miss me? It's not my fault we don't see eachother anymore, is it? You wanted it that way..." 

The pain in Jonas eyes' by both his actions and words hurt Erik and in his head he knew it wasn't as simple as that, but he still couldn't help himself. Without looking back he turned around and walked towards the tunnel. Away from Jonas. 

 

Erik wasn't feeling any better the next day. The training session in the morning had been a tough one, because his head just wasn't in it. He pulled himself together enough not to get yelled at again, but he knew he was playing far from his best. He was glad about having the day off tomorrow. He slumped down on the couch and drifted off into a restless sleep. 

The doorbell woke him up about an hour later. Or maybe more than an hour, he wasn't quite sure what time it was. He wasn't in the mood for any visitors and tried to drown out the persistent ringing by covering his ears with a pillow. He sighed when the doorbell still kept ringing and eventually dragged himself from the couch to answer the door. 

He was expecting anyone, but not Jonas. Especially not after last night. He knew that he shouldn't have said what he did. Despite what happened Jonas still smiled at him. Although Erik could tell it was a big effort. 

"Can I come in?" Jonas asked hesitatingly. 

Erik just nodded and moved to the side, closing the door behind Jonas. He walked back to the couch and sat down. Jonas sat down next to him and for a brief moment their arms touched. Erik almost flinched and moved away a bit further. Jonas looked at him sadly. 

"What happened to us? Can you not even stand to be in the same room as me now?" 

"Why are you here?" Erik countered with a question. If only Jonas knew he was behaving the way he did, because he was trying to protect himself from more hurt. 

Jonas sighed. 

"I am here, because I still care about you. Because I still care about us. I know you are mad that I left and that I didn't tell you sooner and you have every right to be, but you never gave me a chance to explain. You shut me out completely..." Jonas paused to take a breath and Erik could see tears glistening in his eyes. 

"Fine, I'm listening..." Erik replied. He never took his eyes away from Jonas, it was painful, but he couldn't help it. 

"When I didn't even make the squad in all those Bundesliga matches before the winter break I started to question my place here. I wanted to tell you and talk to you about it, but you were working so hard on your recovery and you were so excited about us being back on the pitch together, I just couldn't. I wanted to wait until I was 100 % sure that I was making the right decision..."

"And you didn't care about my opinion? You left before we even had the chance to play together again! Our connection on the pitch was special, Jonas, you knew that. You could have waited until the summer break at least..." Erik interrupted. 

"I was thinking about that, trust me, but I doubt even our connection would have made Tuchel pick me. And I didn't know if any club would have still wanted me in summer. I had to make a quick decision. I kept procastinating telling you, because I didn't want to hurt you..."

"Finding out about it during an interview hurt me. I thought you don't care about me at all..." 

A single tear started to roll down Erik's cheek and Jonas gently brushed it away. This time Erik didn't flinch. It encouraged Jonas to keep his hand on Erik's cheek, carefully stroking it with his thumb. 

"This was never a decision against you, Erik, you have to believe me that. I'll never stop caring about you." 

The look on Jonas' face when he said those words and his hand on his cheek finally broke down the wall that Erik had built between them. He couldn't hide his emotions any longer. 

"I miss you so much..." Erik choked out and couldn't stop himself from crying any more. 

Jonas closed the gap between them and wrapped both arms around Erik holding him close while stroking his hair. 

"I miss you too, Erik...More than you know," Jonas whispered and softly kissed Erik's neck. The way Erik did all those months ago after Jonas had scored in Bayern. 

Erik drew back a little and looked deep into Jonas' eyes. 

The love Jonas felt for Erik in that moment was overwhelming. So overwhelming that he couldn't hold his feelings back any longer. One of his hands was still stroking Erik's hair and he let it wonder down to his neck and gently pulled Erik's face close to him. Their lips were inches apart. He saw the look of surprise on Erik's face with the realisation of what was about to happen. Their lips met. And the kiss was everything Jonas had always imagined and more. It started softly, almost hesitantly and soon turned into pure passion and all the longing that had built up between them was fulfilled with this one kiss. They eventually had to stop to breathe for air. 

"Wow. I didn't see that coming," Erik said a little shocked. 

"Oh god, I'm sorry, Erik. I shouldn't have done this..." Jonas apologised and Erik quickly put a finger on his lips. 

"Are you kidding? I am definitely not sorry you just did that," Erik laughed and after seeing Jonas' relieved smile he turned serious again. "I've been wanting to tell you for ages, but then you left and I thought it was pointless..."

"You wanted to tell me what for ages?" Jonas had to double-check to be sure he was hearing this right. 

"That I love you. I am sorry for the way I acted, I've always only ever wanted to see you happy and I know playing makes you happy, I just didn't want to lose you," Erik confessed and smiled at Jonas. 

It was the most beautiful smile Jonas had ever seen, because it was full of love. For him. 

"I know. You will never lose me, Erik, never! I know this won't be easy, but we'll make it work..." Jonas pulled Erik into another close hug. I love you, too..." And after that, no more words were needed...


End file.
